Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
