Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
false alarm, still single
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