I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You pole danced in your parka.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
