Already got asked if we're dating
I will die if light touches me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
