No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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