Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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