There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
