i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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