Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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