ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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