I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have post one night stand depression
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
