Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
