she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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