Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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