is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
