She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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