That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
