haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
