I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
