If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
