Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
