Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
