I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
