Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
