i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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