I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
