She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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