apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize