TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
