i barfeds in our rink
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
