All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
