Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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