dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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