I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
