He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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