yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize