no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
