If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
