just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish my penis had an off switch
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
