i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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