you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
