you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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