I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
