I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
