We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
