It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
