Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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