Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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