so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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