at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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