I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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