I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
