Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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