umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
