Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
